


Lifegoeson

by kat_fanfic



Category: Castle
Genre: M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-06
Updated: 2012-12-06
Packaged: 2017-11-20 11:58:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/585177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kat_fanfic/pseuds/kat_fanfic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes, if you love someone, you have to let them go.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lifegoeson

Javier grinned as he returned to his desk, sipping his freshly brewed coffee. It had taken him no longer than ten minutes to get it, but in that short amount of time, Kevin had somehow managed to fall fast asleep. The younger man was sprawled over his desk face-down, cheek pressed against a pile of case files. 

Javier shook his head, seriously contemplating letting his partner sleep in that position. Having his back kill him later surely would teach the younger man to over-due it, he figured. But taking in the lines of exhaustion and the unhappy twist to Kevin’s mouth that persisted even in sleep made him decide against it. 

It was weeks like the last one that played havoc with a cop’s life, made it all but impossible to live a proper life. Not many women – or men, for that matter – really understood and accepted what it meant to be the spouse of a cop. 

Jenny, for example, hadn’t lasted longer than a couple of months, despite her deep affection for Kevin that shone through in her compulsive-possessive need to have him check in every other hour. 

Although, Javier mused, that break-up could just as much be blamed on the fact that Kevin may be a great undercover cop, but when it came to his private life, he was as sucky a liar as they came. Playing straight had never been Ryan’s strong suit, even though he’d really tried for Jenny.

So, what it came down to was that the recent break-up plus a grueling case equaled an exhausted Detective Ryan. No wonder. They’d worked a murder slash kidnapping case for the last three days straight. A gardener had been killed rather violently while trying to protect his lady-boss from being abducted in full daylight. Time was of the essence for her survival and they’d done the best they could to bring about a happy end for the small girl that had seen everything up from her tree house. 

It had worked too. Only about an hour before, they’d been able to re-unite her with her unkempt, but otherwise unharmed, mother. Realizing now that allowing Ryan to even begin to write his report had been a mistake, Javier rubbed a weary hand over his stubble-adorned face.

He should have known. While he himself had escaped the madness for a whole five-hour break, Ryan had spent that time with their 8-year-old witness. For some reason, she’d bonded with him upon sight, and of course his softhearted partner had agreed to watch her. 

So, basically, Kevin had worked a 72-hour-shift with only a few catnaps in between and a whole lot of caffeine-intake to keep him going. And now, with the adrenaline rush rapidly fading, he’d finally crashed, and crashed hard by the looks of it.

Sighing, Esposito got ready to kick his partner’s ass hard and get him home ASAP, when a heavy hand on his shoulder stopped him in his tracks. 

Suppressing a startled reaction that probably would have ended up with someone bleeding, Javier half-turned and hissed: “Jesus, Castle, has no-one ever told you not to sneak up on a cop? A sleep-deprived one nonetheless?”

With a cheeky grin, totally ignoring the way he’d just barely missed getting skewered by some convenient stationary, Castle quipped: “Somehow my mother must have forgotten to teach me that particular lesson.”

Javier growled in answer. 

Holding up his hands in a placating gesture of surrender, Castle quickly relented. “Alright, alright! I’m sorry for being Mr. Stealth. I’ll make sure to wear a bell the next time you don’t get your beauty sleep. Deal?”

Javier rolled his eyes, amused despite himself. “Oh for Christ’s sake. Go home, Castle.” 

“I will,” there was a decidedly devilish smirk on the writer’s face. “But there’s something I’ve gotta do first.” 

Waving his gadgety phone around enticingly, Castle tiptoed over to the still conked-out Ryan. Placing the camera practically on his nose, he snapped a few quick pictures of the slumbering detective. 

“For blackmailing purposes,” Castle explained, unprompted, as he studied his work with a practiced eye, deleting some files right away, while nodding at others. 

For having been taken by a phone they were actually quite good, Javier decided as he risked a glance. Although, upon closer inspection…. 

Javier frowned. Somehow, being captured like that - exhausted and disheveled - made Kevin look strangely young, even frail in a way that clashed with the picture of the accomplished policeman he usually displayed. 

It was something Javier tried not to acknowledge too often in everyday life. 

He knew that in their line of work, seeing your partner as someone you had to shelter actually did more harm than good. Even though he felt that Kevin was one of the best detectives he’d ever met and trusted him with his life every day out on the streets, as his partner Javier was also there to witness the heart-wrenching moments of deep vulnerability. Those quiet moments of despair at not being able to act on his feelings due to his line of work, which always made Javier want to gather the younger man in his arms and never let him go. 

Javier sighed, gaze still resting on Kevin’s relaxed features. One of these days he’d get over the stupid crush he had on his partner, he promised himself. Glancing at the giggling Castle, he sighed again. 

What a fucked-up four-some they made. Him, with his annoying unrequited love-thing for Kevin; Kevin, who beamed every time he got one of Castle’s strange pop-culture references and followed the writer around like a smitten puppy; Beckett who was so hung up on her work that she wouldn’t see a good thing even if it happened to smack her right in the face; and Castle…

Castle, who was staring at his phone as if it’d just revealed Nicky Heat’s Bosom to him. 

“Um,” the writer finally said, looking up with a lost frown on his handsome face. “Did you know that Ryan’s kinda beautiful?”

Heart tumbling down to his stomach in what suspiciously felt like despair, even as he simultaneously cheered for Kevin, Esposito smiled gently. “Yeah, Rick. I kind of knew that.”

“Oh.” Castle looked back at the picture he’d taken only 30 seconds earlier and then his eyes darted to the sleeping detective. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Even as his heart broke at the growing wonder in the writer’s voice, Javier snorted roughly, trying to get a hold on his feelings. “What, that Kevin’s beautiful? I thought that was kind of obvious.”

“Yeah, well, it really, really wasn’t…” Castle cleared his throat, seemingly shaking himself from a deep trance. He looked straight at Javier, scrutinizing him with his sharp gaze, and it seemed as if he could see right into the detective’s soul.

Javier stirred uncomfortably, breaking the gaze with an effort. Castle stepped nearer, even as Esposito took an involuntary step back. 

“Javier,” he began, clearly not knowing what to say. “I’m—“

“No!” Javier interrupted harshly before he could go on. His throat felt as if filled with glass shards, his body rebelling against him as he prepared to get his partner the only thing that’d make him truly happy.

“No. It’s all right, Rick. This,” Javier gestured vaguely between himself and Kevin. “This would never have worked and we both know that.”

Castle looked totally torn between wanting to make things better for Esposito and following his own desire. Already Javier could see the devotion forming in him, the special kind that he’d only ever seen in Kevin’s lovers. 

That kid somehow managed to instill a deep desire to do right by him in everyone he let close enough to really get to know him, and already, Castle was halfway there.

Blushing a bit under the scrutiny, Castle cleared his throat uncomfortably. “I have no idea what to do right now. This isn’t really…” he took a deep breath and chuckled. “This isn’t what I expected to happen, you know? Yesterday I could have sworn that a relationship was the last thing on my agenda. But today…”

“Today it better be the only thing on your mind,” Javier couldn’t help but interject darkly.

The writer nodded wordlessly, stepping closer to Ryan, one hand hovering over the young detectives shoulder, but not touching.

“Why don’t you take him home?” Esposito rasped, clenching his hands into tight fists behind his back. 

Nodding again absently, Castle slowly lowered his hand. Giving a gentle shake, he whispered: “Hey, Kevin. Time to get up, sleeping beauty.” 

Kevin stirred, but didn’t really wake up. Rick softly stroked his partner’s dark-blond hair back from his forehead and murmured something Javier couldn’t quite hear. 

This time, Kevin sat up slowly, rubbing a hand over his face like a sleepy child. “Hm-wha..? Rick?”

“Yes,” Castle answered in a voice Javier had never heard him use before. He could only guess that once upon a time, this voice had soothed and comforted a tiny Alexis. “For some reason I think you’ll sleep better in a bed than on your desk, don’t you? Come on, I’ll drive you home and maybe even invite myself in for a late-night snack.”

Barely awake, Kevin let himself be manhandled out of the chair, groaning a bit as he got up. 

“Don’t eat all my grapes,” he murmured as he leaned heavily on Castle. Grinning happily at no-one in particular, Castle wrapped one arm around Kevin’s waist, while with the other he grabbed Kevin’s jacket.

“Don’t worry,” he murmured, still in that oddly gentle voice. “I hate grapes.”

Snorting in genuine amusement as the odd pair staggered to the elevators, Ryan waving an absent hand in Javier’s general direction, it wasn’t until he turned around to grab his own gear that he saw Kate. 

She was standing a few steps away, almost hidden by the deep shadows of the barely lit bullpen. Javier didn’t say anything, just offered her a sad smile that she didn’t return.

As he turned to go, he pretended not to notice the strands of wetness that shimmered on her cheeks.


End file.
